It was such an epic experience that it took six blog posts to say everything I wanted to say. I am sure there was more I could have said. It was one of those once-in-a lifetime experiences that will never be replicated.
So when Nuun announced that they were going to host teams again in 2012, I was beyond excited. We had been talking about running it again since we finished our last legs. I was eager to get my creative juices flowing and submit a kick ass application. I was looking forward to joining my new friends again for a fun-filled weekend.
Here is a little taste of our weekend:
Here it is, the day of the application deadline and I have nothing to submit. I thought long and hard over this decision and decided NOT to submit an application. I am sad, but at peace about it. I know that when Nuun announces the 2012 teams, I will be sad again.
You must be asking why are you NOT re-applying for this incredible opportunity that is right up your running alley????
Here are the top reasons WHY I am not applying for Hood to Coast this year:
1) Fear of rejection—I am not too proud to admit that this year I am a little nervous about getting rejected. Normally, I do fine with rejection. Lately, however, I have been a bit more sensitive. I have a lot going on in my life and I find it harder to let things go. I feel like all my friends and running buddies have other friends and I am nobody’s first choice lately, so I am not up for not being Nuun’s first (or 36th) choice. Last year I had nothing to lose. If I didn’t make the team, I could look at all the fabulous bloggers and know why they chose those women over me. This year, knowing that 2011 team members are not guaranteed a spot, I was a bit nervous. In fact, to make it fair to everyone, Nuun has told us that only a percentage of us would be chosen again. If I don’t make it this year, I know I will question myself even more. It will take me back to those feelings I had in middle school. I will wonder if I didn’t make the team because I was lacking in some way. Did I talk too much? Did I not talk enough? Did they not like me? Is my blog not popular or witty enough? Am I not good enough?
2) My social media presence has been appalling lately—Other than Facebook for personal updates etc., I have been pretty absent from the social media world. My blog hasn’t been updated in weeks. I can’t remember my last tweet. I hope my followers don’t unfollow me! I have only glanced at Pinterest and, frankly, don’t get it. I know that Nuun wants a big social media push from their team. If they check my stats, they will be disappointed.
There are several reasons for my lack of internet activity. First, my computer died a few weeks ago. I went back and forth with the manufacturer (it is still under warranty) and they still have it! It is difficult to get anything done on my phone. I finally plugged in my old computer, but there was a reason I replaced it—it is painfully slow!
Second, between clients and working in my kids’ school, I have been very busy lately. I hate spending my free time at the computer (although that does seem to happen). I have always been pretty busy, but lately it has made me feel overwhelmed.
3) I'm running Southern California Ragnar in two weeks—As much as I would like to run several relays a year, it does put added pressure on my family. My husband has to take a day(s) off work and/or I have to find friends to pick up my kids from school etc. Mommy being gone gets complicated. My husband is great with this and very supportive, but I don’t want to push my luck and do it too often. I am also planning on running St. George again, which is another Mommy day off.
In addition, with Ragnar looming, it is difficult to think about another relay in a few short months. I know I would love doing both and becoming a relay “expert” like fellow Hood to Coast alum, Lauren. I just don’t think this is the year.
4) I have recently taken on new responsibilities—Some of my online friends and I have started a new website, theRUNiverse.com. This is a group-edited blog featuring articles about our favorite sport, running. The site is a mixture of original content and reposted articles. I don’t want to let these people down and I try to meet my deadlines to help keep our content fresh. Check out theRUNiverse.com as well as our Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest pages! [LOL…shameless plug]
5) We are relocating to Colorado in June or July—My husband’s job and the tough Southern California economy has us relocating to Fort Collins, Colorado. This last reason is probably the deciding factor in not applying. Details of our move are still up in the air. Our target move date is July 1, but we haven’t found a place yet. It will be a big transition for my children (and for me). School in Fort Collins starts in late August and I would have to miss a few of their first days of school. Switching schools is a big deal and I don’t know how much they will need Mommy in those first few days. Last year, I missed picking up my daughter for her first day of Kindergarten because I was at Hood to Coast, I am not sure I can do that this year.
I don’t know what our routines will be. I don’t know how flexible my husband’s workload will be (although it is the same company, but his workload changes based on various circumstances). I don’t know if I will have any friends to help pick up the slack when I am gone. All these unknowns make it difficult to make plans to be gone for three or four days.
I am both excited and scared about this move. I think this impending life change is one of the reasons I am feeling sensitive, overwhelmed and not very creative. I am sure as I get back into my blogging, I will write more about my feelings about this new chapter of our lives.So there you have it. While so many women are posting their Nuun Hood to Coast applications today, I am feeling a bit wistful. I just hope that my teammates and Nuun don’t take it as a reflection on them. I plan on starting my application for 2013 as soon as I get settled! :-)
Good luck to my blogger friends who are applying. To those of you I shared a van with, I hope you miss me—at least a little. I will be following you all eagerly and cheering you on.
Happy Running
11 comments:
You are amazing and so admired! thinking of your and completely support you and your decision, it will be hard (ALL OF IT) but you will get through it all with grace and we will be here to support you every step of the way. Thinking of you!
Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable post here Lisa. These are the kind of posts I love so much because they are from the heart and so real. Best of luck to you in all you have going on.
I can imagine it was a difficult decision. I'm so glad you are at peace with it. I made that decision but wasn't at peace with it and ended up applying :P Best of luck with all of those exciting events and changes happening in the near future :)
I will never forget staying up way too late in the hotel chatting with you the night before HTC. Whoops! And then worrying I was keeping you awake with my tossing and turning. You were so nice about it.
You have a TON going on, and the school thing is especially hard. My son's not in school yet, so I don't have that to worry about. I am so jealous about your move to CO. Can you imagine the running you are going to do there?!!!! Get excited! Let me see your frenzied face!!!!
HUGS!
These are all good reasons. I would be A little worried about "rejection" too - even though it's nothing personal. That move will be plenty enough to occupy your time and I think the kids would definitely love to have you there as they start a new school year in a new town. I know I would want my mom there if it was me! :)
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who felt guilty about not applying. You definitely have some legit reasons. For me it was more about how pricey the flight is out there and I also felt like I didn't want to tarnish an amazing experience if it didn't live up to it this year. I can't believe some of the applications this year though, ,they are incredible. It makes me feel like anything I did would be subpar at best. This people are creative!
Moving to a different state is never easy ... but at least you are moving to a great State where running outside is awesome. I can't wait to see the pictures from your running adventures!
You have SO much going on. Happy you made a decision thats best for YOU.
Um yeah,and that fear of rejection thing,totally get it.
I think you made a smart and logical choice... but I totally empathize with you! I get the fear of rejection, in some ways I felt a little rejected being selected as an alternate last year. And even though I know it would be physically impossible for me to do this due to pregnancy/baby... I'm still jealous! I commend you on putting this out there so honestly and matter-of-factly. And also stating some of the mommy duties. I am feeling stressed facing those, as so much of the world seems to present the idea that you can "do it all" with parenting/job/life... but I just don't see how that is truly possible.
Hey Lisa,
We have been relocated as well. It is hard with the kids but harder on the MOM ;)
I find that in the months before the move and getting everything settled are the hardest. Keep running it will help!
You are amazing - thanks for sharing this very personal post. Nuun would've picked you (you are AWESOME) but I understand how life can get in the way. I'm not applying this year either and it was not an easy decision :( Good luck with the move - CO seems awesome!
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